moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry about my life...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
