My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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