Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
