I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
