At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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