i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize