Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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