Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
