i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
