i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
