my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
