Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
