just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
farters have to be the big spoon...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All the doctor said was why
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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