My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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