I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
