nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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