I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
