So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
