then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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