I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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