this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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