I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
