now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
