Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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