If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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