At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
