no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize