I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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