nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize