We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I party with great urgency now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
