I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
