I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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