My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
