I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
