I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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