Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
