Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
