I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
