Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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