so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
