RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
