watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
