I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
