Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize