I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
