I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A bitchslap is in order.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
