I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
