i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
