I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
