the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
