You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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