Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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