I wish life had little blips of pornography
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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