i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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