i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
