I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
