i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
