Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
