we're chasing vodka with high fives
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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