Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
