I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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