he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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