he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how do flat chested girls get laid?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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