i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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